I'm such a wimp! I'm also a very good faker. You see I suffer from a very challenging disease and I choose to fake that I don't. I run around like a chicken with her head cut off until I literally can't walk. Then I'm forced to face the disease I try to ignore. I'm clearly very blessed and I always try to remind myself this. I have the best kids on the planet and the most helpful supportive husband. I just start to feel so guilty after about two days of laying in bed. That brings me to today and this moment. I got up and told myself I had to get things done. I showered and dressed and then made my way downstairs. About two minutes after arriving in the kitchen I realized I wasn't ready to do anything. Back to my bed I crawled. I've been laying here for a few minutes feeling sorry for myself. I hate it when I do that. I then start to think of all the people that I know that are suffering and I force myself to stop complaining in my head. I like to read nie nie's blog I gather great strength from her.
I laid in bed all day yesterday I knew I needed to save my strength for Avery's basketball game. Of course then I got there and jumped around like that chicken I told you about and of course I once again was able to fake my way through the evening. I think the thing that really sucks is that my family has to see the bad side of me while the world always gets the best of me. I really hate that about myself. Why am I so good at faking to others but when it comes to Cesar and the kids I don't? They are the ones that really deserve the best of me.
Well, I have all these videos I have been wanting to make for my cooking page hopefully I will hurry up and get better so I can continue running around like a chicken with her head cut off. I know I sound like a wimp and I need to get over it. If you'er feeling bad read nie nie's blog I know it will help and give you strength. So now I tell myself "Onward Tina, Onward!" I think I can......I think I can.........I think I can!
